Becoming Family

These past 2 weeks have been a long time in the making. But still nothing could have quite prepared me for all that we experienced.

A month & a half ago we received a phone call asking if we would like some information on a little boy, Lifeline was quick to tell us that this boy was a little out of the parameters we had been approved for, but we said YES. Quickly we learned some very basic information, age & medical records. From there we had to decide wether we wanted to know more.

If you know Casey at all then you know he is a yes guy. Whatever it is, the answer is yes. He has no real hesitations when it comes to making decisions and thats one of the many reasons why we need each other. I wouldn’t do half the things I do if it wasn’t for him. Now, don’t get me wrong, he seeks the Lord in these “yeses” but he isn’t afraid of the yes. On the other hand, if you know me, I am a little more slow to come to these yes answers. I can get there but not in the way he does. I’ve got to think it all through, come up with all the ridiculous possibilities and then maybe just maybe I can say yes.

So, you can see making the decision of wether we wanted to say “yes” to continue to learn more information wasn’t an easy one. We prayed, we talked, maybe we shed some tears, and eventually we said yes.

The next email we opened was a dropbox link full of pictures and videos of this little guy. You might think that in that moment the world changes, well because I thought it would too, but it didn’t. I saw a boy, a child who needed a family but I didn’t know him, all I knew were the hundreds of questions circling my mind and all the fear that suddenly grabbed me of being a mother. A day I had longed for was now quite possibly going to happen and I froze.

These videos and pictures showed me a strong boy, one who didn’t seem scared of where he was. A joyful boy, one who was loving life despite all he had been through. And it also showed me a boy who was in desperate need of the love of a daddy & mommy and more then that, the love of his Creator.

Fast forward about 45 days from that Thursday morning and we are on a 9 hour flight to JFK from spending 11 days with this snuggly, tender, life giving, perfect boy (do all mom’s think their children are perfect?). There wasn’t this instantaneous bond between us that magically made me feel like a mother. But over the course of the 11 days I prayed and the Lord answered in forming in me a mama heart. And from what I can tell that heart never stops growing.

From the moment he met us he called us “Papa & Mama” and let me tell you, all of the fears of being a mother that crept into me on that Thursday, all of the busyness of my mind quickly subsided in that moment.

Many many times during this trip Casey and I talked about just how easy being there seemed. We didn’t experience a terrified boy who wanted nothing to do with us, instead it was just the opposite. A boy who would quite literally run and jump in our arms each and every morning. It was so easy in fact that a part of me almost started feeling a sense of guilt. Was adoption suppose to be this easy? That’s when I was talking to one of the best ladies I know - “Ride this wave of joy! Reality will come on its own. We don’t have to try to anticipate or prepare too much for it. You have the most important things already - Jesus. Loving husband. Supportive friends and family. A boy who loves you. All the other is filler” I know she was just encouraging me in the way she does, but goodness that is what I needed to hear. So, here I am now riding this wave of joy, not being naive to the hard days to come but for now enjoying where I am.

There aren’t words to express just what this trip has meant, and all the growth it has caused inside of me - my eyes and heart have been opened in a way I didn’t know was possible. And now we wait once again. Waiting for court and preparing a place for our boy. Anywhere from 4-6 weeks is what they tell us before court is set. Once that date is set we will have the opportunity once again to see our boy & appear before court. We will then come home and wait for him to be “ours”.

Your love & prayers have been heard and the Lord has been so gracious to us. Never stop. Today, tomorrow, and in 8 years from now we need you to be a part of this story.

*Earlier this week my sister shared with our family message a part of Ann Voskamp's adoption story. May I encourage you to read and be challenged.